I bloody love Facebook and I use it a lot. I love how it has got me back in touch with friends from years gone by, and I love how you can share photos with people who live miles away, and interact with each other in a whole new way. I update my status regularly and set up events for various nights out. I check it loads and I don’t even mind when they change the layout, or introduce timelines, because I know that I’ll get used to it quickly and then forget what it used to be like. I mean, the Facebook guys seem to know what they’re doing, so I’m going to trust them when they perform updates.
I came across a pretty fab blog post about the rules of etiquette for Facebook from Studentbeans. And, actually, I agree with most of them.
The full list can be found here, and it got me thinking about some of the stuff that both bugs me and some of the stuff that I fall down on. Now, I am far from perfect, and I'm completely sure that a bunch of people on Facebook get really bored with my (fairly) constant and inane updates. However, I do think that the only way you could please everyone is if you never post, like Mr. Riley, or if you are so selective with who you are friends with on Facebook that you only accept real-life close friends.
Anyways, here are some of the things I try and think about before pressing 'submit':
Tagging Photos
Before you tag someone in a photo, think about that person. I hate almost every photo of me, so unless it’s a really good picture please don’t tag me in it. A friend once told me that my beauty is in my animation, and I have thought of that every time I have seen a horrific photo of me. If you are posting a bunch of photos at once, why not just tell the people who are in them and then they can tag themselves if they want. I often do this, but I will tag someone if they are looking really lovely or happy.
Meaningless/Boring Updates
This probably is one where everybody falls down, and actually I do agree that ‘one man’s boring is another man’s thrilling’. The chances are that you have a group of friends on Facebook who are interested in what you write, which is why you are friends in the first place, but with an average friend count in the hundreds it’s likely that you will be friends with someone who doesn’t like all the same things as you. I’m actually happy to put up with all status updates, even if they are about playing/watching/betting on football because I like to post a lot about dancing or baking, for example.
Vaguebooking and Negativity
Facebook is not your therapist. It makes people feel really uncomfortable if all you ever do is moan, and the whole ‘woe is me’ attitude can seem really tedious to people who don't know you that well. If you are really unhappy, seek professional help, talk to real-life friends, hell, if you’re my friend talk to me in person. My door is always open* for a cuppa and a chat. There might even be cake.The very fact that we’re friends on Facebook means that I like you in real life and would be happy to spend time with you if you need me.
I’m not saying that you should never have a moan on Facebook, just make sure that you balance it with less moany stuff.
* DISCLAIMER: My door is not open to people I don’t know, nor is this an invitation for vampires. You can never be too careful where the supernatural are concerned.
Directed Arsey No-Named Updates
The ones that say something like,
“MrsWickie thinks that someone should learn how to be a better friend”
when you know that the person you’re aiming it at will see it. Yeah, if someone has annoyed you and ‘should think about their actions’ or whatever, nobody but you cares, so man up and tell them to their face. The only way anyone else will care is if you name them. Otherwise it’s just you being a bit of a dick. And if you do name them, then it's just you being a bit of a dick. So don't post stuff like that at all, and then you won't risk breaking the first rule of life: don't be a dick.
Studentbeans say that there should be only one photo per month of your child. I would actually add a slight amendment to that… one collection of photos per month (in fact, one collection per week is entirely acceptable), uploaded at the same time in some form of album. That way you can put the photos up and we can look through them if we want to. The occasional extra is OK as long as it’s actually funny. But everyday photos of your sleeping baby interests nobody but you and your parents. I would post photos of Levi (our dog) every single day if I thought it wouldn’t drive everyone completely mental (and I do put quite a lot of photos of him on Facebook), so I completely understand how tempting it is when you love something to bits and want to show it off. Just remember though that not everyone thinks that your staffie cross is cute, or that your kitten is cuddly, or that your kid is pretty, so resist the temptation.
 |
| Levi: actually the cutest dog in the world. No, honestly, he really is. What do you mean it's subjective? Well, fuck you, I'm still going to post pictures of him. |
OR, how about, instead of posting loads of photos of your child onto the internet, you get them printed and put into an album so that you and the people close to you can enjoy them, and that friend of a friend you met once at a night out doesn’t look through the photos of your family. Weird, right?
And here’s a few other things…
Facebook is an excellent way of inviting people to events, however it can be pretty stressful for the organiser, especially if it involves food. It’s really easy to click ‘attending’ even if you’re not sure whether or not you’ll go, but don’t forget that if someone is cooking for you then they will have included you in their numbers and bought enough food for you a couple of days before the event. If you cancel last minute, unless due to being deathly ill, then you piss the host off. Also, if it involves group bookings at restaurants, the same thing goes. With a group booking the organiser would normally have to let the restaurant know in advance, sometimes deposits are paid etc. If you then cancel last minute, it’s frustrating and annoying. Basically, what I’m saying is this: If you click ‘attending’ just because you think it will make the organiser happy, but actually there’s a good chance that you won’t go, tell them. That’s all. If you’re struggling for money, don’t let someone book a place at a restaurant for you and then pull out last minute. If deposits have been paid by someone else and you do pull out last minute, offer to reimburse them. If you do absolutely have to let someone down, especially if it isn’t the first time, don’t forget that it’s really your job then to make the first move to organise something else.
Complaining
Don’t complain about other people complaining about things. I get it at X Factor time more than any other… there are more people on my News Feed complaining about the people complaining about who got booted off than there are actual people complaining about who booted off.
Also, don’t complain in your status updates about other people posting photos of their kids or dogs or dinner. Just ignore them if they don’t interest you. I’m sure they don’t enjoy your posts about climbing, or festivals, or music, or nights out, or whatever it is that you post about.
Finally under this heading, if someone says something that annoys you (especially if it’s in an open group) either a) completely ignore them or b) send them a PRIVATE message explaining why they’ve annoyed you. You’ll only annoy everyone else by having an argument (or discussion/debate/whatever you want to call it).
Politics
It’s totally ok to put political opinions on Facebook, so long as you know what you’re talking about, and don’t mind if people disagree with you. With all these groups that are popping up that people can express displeasure in the country, or the government, or the justice system, or whatever, be really careful about sounding racist. Or homophobic. Or just plain stupid. Because if you do, I will de-friend you faster than you can click ‘like’ on a ‘benefits should be scrapped so that we can step over starving children in the street’ post.
Punctuation and Syntax
I don’t really mind spelling or grammar mistakes. What I’m talking about here is making sure that the stuff you post actually makes sense. Some people post stuff that makes no sense, and no matter how many times I read it I have no idea what they have just said. So, proof-read. That’s all.
Bad News (and to some extent Good News)
People seem very quick to jump on Facebook to share bad news, but make sure that the people who love and care about you don’t find out about major life events this way. I’m not saying you should individually tell all your Facebook friends about all your life changing moments, but take a moment to think how you would feel if you found out about it on Facebook. Just because you can shove it on there, doesn’t mean that you necessarily should.
Liking Horrible Photos
There seems to be a fashion at the moment where pictures get posted of abused dogs, or disfigured children, or other distressing things with a tag line of 'like if you have a heart' or something similar. What this means is that the photos then pop up in timelines and other people are subjected to them. Now, I am definitely not saying that we should ignore pain and struggle in this world, but clicking 'like' on a photo on Facebook is not going to make it better. I don't mean that we should all stick our heads in the sand and ignore the fact that horrible things happen in this world. I just don't want them popping up on something I use for fun and a bit of light entertainment. Does this make me callous? Actually, it's because they make me sad that I don't want to see them. They make me feel guilty and inadequate that I can't do anything about it. And the very, very last thing that I want to do is say that I like it.
A Final, Personal Annoyance
Don’t put ‘.com’. It doesn’t have a place at the end of anything EXCEPT an actual website. You are not confused.com, you are either just confused or stupid. You are not bored.com, you are either just bored or stupid. You are not tired.com, you are either just tired or stupid. STOP IT. It’s a dated reference to a shit website.
