Being pregnant is not what I had imagined. I hadn't realised just how rubbish I would feel, nor how long that would last before I started feeling better. Whilst I have moaned (quite a lot) about the constant queasiness, the throwing up, the week of headaches, the fatigue, I've found it bearable by having a wonderful husband, a supportive workplace and two gorgeous doggies to keep me company when I'm feeling at my worst. I am now on day 7 of symptom-free (a whole week!) and hoping that all these nasty early pregnancy things have now disappeared.
What I am finding the absolute hardest thing to deal with is the unwanted attention. Someone I HAVE NEVER SPOKEN TO before has just asked me when my baby is due. She didn't care about me before I was pregnant, why should she care now? Every work-related conversation I have now ends with "oo, look at your bump now". Since I was about 11 weeks pregnant I have had people express surprise at how big my bump is, not to mention people coming up and feeling my belly without invitation.
Not only am I finding all of the above difficult to deal with, but a lot of people don't understand why I don't like it. I get told regularly that it's just folks being interested/excited/etc but that just makes me feel guilty for not wanting people to talk to me. It makes me feel that I should be all happy and excited about it all, and I really, really am, it's just that I'm privately happy and excited about it all. It's also making me feel uneasy about seeing the friends that I actually do want to see and with whom I wouldn't mind talking about my pregnancy.
The logical part of my brain tells me that I'm going to have to find a way to get used to it, and that this increased attention is just part of human nature, but I can't ignore the way it makes me feel. I feel very self-conscious about how big my bump is due to the number of people who have pointed out that I'm going to be huge if I'm this size already. It almost makes me feel like I should be hiding it better, which I know is ridiculous, but I can't help it.
I just want to disappear into a comfy, secluded world full of dog-walks, knitting patterns, Nathan Fillion on the tv and tasty things in the fridge that never go off.
Pregnancy hormones, you have a lot to answer for.
