Monday 3 November 2014

My Sleep Confession

I now have a 13 month old. She is a 13 month old who amazes me every single day. She is funny, charming, adventurous, fearless, affectionate, independent, curious, intelligent and of course beautiful. She makes me smile and laugh and I love watching her develop and learn new things. I love seeing her explore her surroundings, she’s starting to pick up some Makaton sign language, she’s basically walking (or will be by the time I get home, she’s that close!), and despite her only words being ‘that’ and ‘yeah’ she is very good at communicating exactly what it is that she wants… who knew how much of life you could get through with just ‘that’ as your main form of verbal communication! But I have a confession to make: she does all this on broken sleep. Every night. Some nights are better than others of course, but on the whole we still have 2 wake-ups on a really good night and up to 6 or 7 (or 8 or 9) on a bad night. I don’t really mention this on Facebook or Twitter or in real life all that much. I just keep on plodding on, putting on a brave face, getting on with things. We’re on bad nights at the moment and, being back at work, I am exhausted. I long for four hours unbroken sleep, which is the most I’ve managed I think since she was born. Three hours (or less) is more common. This last week, since the change of the clocks, I don’t think I’ve got through a whole sleep cycle.

I’m sure I could Google “how to get a toddler to sleep” and find a myriad of advice. Add in “how to get a breastfed toddler to sleep” and I’d get even more. Some would be awful, awful, awful advice and some might be ok, but whether any of it would be right for MY toddler in THIS situation is questionable. It can be very lonely, and there have been times when I have felt like I must be the only mum with a baby who sleeps this badly. But I’m not. Rest assured, all you mummies in a similar position, there are loads of us. For now, I’m relying on support from some mums in a lovely, supportive Facebook group where we have a safe place to offload about anything and everything, sleep-related or otherwise. I remind myself that everything is a phase, and she’ll get through this one in her own time. After all, it could be teeth (I suspect we have her first molars moving around getting ready to pop through), it could be development, or it could simply be that she’s learning so much her little brain pops into gear and wakes her up… we all know what it’s like starting a new job and not being able to sleep due to having so much information rolling around in your head.

So that’s my confession. My life is lovely, but not ‘perfect’. My daughter is amazing, but doesn’t sleep through yet. I am generally pretty damn happy (not withstanding a few other big life things going on at the moment), but so very, very tired. I’d love to say I dream of sleep, but I don’t get enough sleep to even do that.

Yawn.

Friday 14 March 2014

Tramps Together

A 27 year old mum from a town in Staffordshire that, until this week, I had never heard of and still don't know how to pronounce, has made it onto my list of inspirational women.

Emily Slough was photographed whilst she fed her baby on a sunny step.

If you've been away on holiday with no internet connection and are unaware of what has happened since this photo was taken, you'll be thinking "yeah, and?". I mean, that sentence seems fairly innocuous, right? Well, if I'd said that she was breastfeeding her baby, and the photo was taken on the sly and posted anonymously to a facebook page labelling her a tramp, then you may start to understand the importance of that moment. When Emily saw the photo, instead of ignoring it, she realised she was presented with an opportunity to make a difference. She has since organised a mass feed to take place in Rugeley this Saturday, the 15th March, and the support has been flooding in. Not just from Rugeley. Not just from Staffordshire. Not just from England. Women (and men) from all over the world have been offering words of support, encouragement and understanding. Facebook has been filled with beautiful photos of mums feeding their babies. The response has been incredible.

Breastfeeding in public for the first time is a nerve-racking experience. You don't want to flash any nip, but if you've managed to leave the house in those early weeks, you probably still haven't quite mastered the art of getting bubs latched on. You need to be able to see what you're doing, so using a cover isn't always a practical choice... it's just one more thing to try and negotiate. After that first time, however, it does get easier. You realise that most people don't notice and those that do try very hard to make it look like they haven't. I have never had any negative comments and only ever noticed one funny look, which I dutifully ignored. So why is this Mass Feed important? Why has Emily Slough made it onto my list of inspirational women?

Emily has been very clear that this is not a 'breastfeeding versus formula feeding' debate. For her, it is about normalising breastfeeding, and I couldn't agree more with this sentiment. I have proudly fed my daughter in public many times, but when I think back over my own breastfeeding experiences I realise that I have always chosen pretty middle class places. Even in Meadowhall, I found the House of Fraser shopper's cafe rather than sitting on one of the benches on the walkways. So maybe I'm part of the problem too.

There are many factors that influence a woman's choice about how they feed their baby, but being afraid to feed in public should never be the reason to not breastfeed. If Emily's response to that photo gives more women the confidence to feed in public, then she has done a truly amazing thing.

Emily Slough, you are my hero.



Wednesday 12 February 2014

Boob Juice

One thing that babies have to be is fed. One thing that mums have to be is happy. Yet you go on to any parenting forum and the most commonly argued, most sensitively felt debate is breastfeeding vs formula feeding. Threads can get overtaken with the minority of breastfeeding mums who get on their high horse about it, or the minority of formula feeding mums who jump down the throats of anyone who mentions breastfeeding, however innocently, saying 'why are you judging me, just because I formula feed doesn't make me any less of a mother'. Of course it doesn't, but you know how it goes on these forums, someone takes offence, somebody else responds, it's all written down so nobody knows the tone in which any comment is made and before you know it insults are flying around and people are getting upset.
I chose to breastfeed (note that hugely important word 'chose'). In fact, at the point of writing this I am sitting up in bed, tablet on lap and baby latched on to my left breast. It's not for everyone though. Some mums just don't want to breastfeed, a tiny percentage want to but physically can't, and some mums have problems establishing breastfeeding (like cracked, bleeding nipples, problems with latch, pain, milk supply to name but a few) and make the decision for the sake of their sanity to switch either to combination feeding or to straight-up formula feeding. The most important thing, however, is that the baby gets fed. It really doesn't matter how that happens and mums should never be judged or feel guilty about their choice (there's that word again...choice).
The other day I was chatting to another mum and she asked how I had found breastfeeding. It's a funny thing, but I felt that I had to play down the fact that I love it. I said 'we were lucky that she seemed to take to it'. On reflection, however, I don't really think luck is the right word. I don't even think there was an active choice for me when I decided how to feed my baby. I didn't sit down and write the pros and cons of both breastfeeding and formula feeding. For me, it was simply the right thing to do, so I got on and did it. In exactly the same way that combination feeding or formula feeding is the right thing to do for other mums.
The reason I said 'we were lucky' was because of the reaction breastfeeding mums can get, where people can think you are being smug, or judgey, or whatever. You hear a lot about people feeling pressured to breastfeed and it is true that there is a lot of information out there about the benefits of breastfeeding. That is because the research has been done and the results published. It has been shown that breastfeeding reduces the risk of a variety of infections and diseases and that there are health benefits for both baby and mum. It is also free and, once established, so easy to just whip out an emergency boob when bubs needs food (or comfort). I don't think that the availability of this information should be seen as pressure to breastfeed, and I definitely agree that health professionals should provide the facts to all mums-to-be. How are we supposed to make an informed choice about anything without being given all the information, and yet there will be (a small proportion of) women who get upset and think they are being told that they will be a failure if they don't breastfeed. The truth is that whilst breastfeeding reduces the risks of certain diseases, it does not mean that every formula fed baby will be ill, or that that every breastfed baby will be completely disease free. Reducing the risk means exactly that: reducing the risk.
What you don't hear about so much is the pressure placed on breastfeeding mums to introduce formula. Twice before I even left hospital I was told I might have to give T formula top up. I don't know how in my somewhat emotional state I managed to resist, especially as a first time mum, but something got me through. Then when we got home it took T a while to start gaining weight, and the Health Visitor said something about 'if I insist on breastfeeding'. Insist. It felt like they expect mums to fail at it. Establishing breastfeeding is hard. Both mum and baby have to learn a new skill. It hurts (I can't tell you how much lansinoh I got through), you can end up sitting for hours, stuck under a hungry baby during cluster feeds, and you don't get a break, especially if your baby decides to refuse to take a bottle, as you can't leave them for extended periods of time.
The next thing that happens is you hear about formula fed babies who start to sleep through the night before their breastfeeding counterparts. Breast milk is designed for your specific baby and is so easily digested that night feeds are not only normal, but regular. We have had a couple of nights where T has slept from 8pm til 3am, or 4am and twice until 5am, but more often than not she still wakes 3 hourly after midnight. Desperate for a good night's sleep, breastfeeding mums ask for advice on how to help their baby sleep through and it is suggested that they introduce a bottle of formula before bed.
Next up is growth spurts and wonder weeks, when all of a sudden your baby can be all clingy and it feels like they are permanently attached to your boob, making you worry that your supply is diminishing, and you wonder whether you should introduce a bottle of formula.
Teething can make babies refuse the boob (known as a nursing strike), again striking fear in the breastfeeding mum's heart... are they getting enough, should I introduce a bottle of formula?
I have been through all of this. I would not have done so with so much confidence without this Timeline of a Breastfed Baby, which stops me worrying about pretty much everything breastfeeding related. I also look at my healthy, happy baby and know that she's doing really well. She is a very lean baby (making me HATE getting her weighed in case she has dropped centile lines, giving the health visitors another excuse to try and get me to formula feed her), but she's strong, wriggly, chatty, giggly, alert and just bloody perfect. We're doing ok.
Anyway, as T got older I thought these breastfeeding vs formula feeding debates on forums would die down. They have, and have been replaced by the controversy that is weaning. My best advice relating to feeding your baby is read the available information, make an informed choice that is right for you and your family, and avoid all feeding threads on parenting forums like the plague!!