A Bun in my Oven

My plans for 2013 were all very exciting and busy. Lots of dancing, training for the Sheffield Half Marathon, being organised with my diet and with the house, I had loads of plans of things that I wanted to write about and then, a mere 19 days into January I found out... that I'm pregnant. Which, admittedly, is also very exciting (and utterly terrifying!) but in a very different way.

I have never been desperate for children. I know people who just know that having a child is exactly what they want, or even need, and that it will add something to their lives and complete the puzzle. But, for me, I always thought that having a baby would mean giving everything up. OK, maybe not everything, but I have been living a very busy life and there is no way that it will ever be the same. In fact, it has already changed.

What has surprised me is how little I've minded the change. When I first found out I thought to myself that I can keep going dancing, and keep running (after all, I don't run very fast) and keep on top of the housework, and generally just do all the normal stuff. But the first 3 months of pregnancy are shit. Really, really shit. I am told that now I'm approaching the second trimester things will probably improve and I can't bloody wait.

Within days of finding out the fatigue hit me. After being at work all day I have little or no energy left in the evenings. I manage to get the dogs out for their evening walk, but other than that I'm on the sofa watching TV (hello season 1 - and 2 - oh, and 3 - of Buffy) or in bed by 9. The weekends aren't much better. If Mr. Riley's not home to cook I generally have toast.

Thankfully I have only been sick twice. Once after eating far too much when I invited people round for Burns' Night celebrations (for once it wasn't the wine... I was sneaking white grape juice into my wine glass!) and once in the morning. But I have felt queasy ALL the time. The only thing that has helped has been to eat, and sometimes that makes me feel better for a couple of hours, but sometimes it only helps for the duration of time that I'm actually eating. More recently I have found that having breakfast, fruit snacks during the morning, lunch at 12, a small bowl of salad at 2 and then an early tea has helped.

Oh yeah, and I'm struggling to digest food, so I feel full and uncomfortable a lot of the time. And I'm doing really stinky farts, which I blame on the dogs even if I'm the only one in.

I'm already up to an E cup in bra size, and my boobs hurt.

I also cry at everything. The other day I cried because I had cheese on toast (with marmite) for lunch. Why? Because I remember my mum making me that for my lunch when I was little and I can't wait to be able to do that for my kid. Seriously, though, cheese on toast? I'm an easy cryer at the best of times, but this is getting ridiculous.

In reality, I think I'm probably having a relatively easy time of it. Work have been brilliant, I'm still functioning for most things, Mr. Riley has taken complete control of the housework, cooking and domestic chores and been an absolute star. I haven't had any problems with my skin and I've been given a much needed excuse to be really lazy for a change. I desperately miss dancing, but have just been too tired.

So, whilst life has changed, it has been more about a change in priorities rather than 'giving everything up'. I'll not forget how to dance, and it will still be there when I'm ready to go back. Who knows, if it's definitely a baby in there and not a puppy, then maybe it will come out Charlestoning and we can go together. My due date is currently inbetween WI nights - will it be possible to not miss one??? As for friends, I'm hoping that my closest friends will still be there. A lot of us are around the age of having babies anyway, so maybe some of them won't be too far behind. Maybe the others won't be put off by my baby-bore stage that I will, without doubt, go through. Also, there will be new people to meet and share experiences with. 

I'm hoping that the coming weeks will show an increase in energy and a decrease in queasiness and now that we're out of the high-risk first trimester I'm looking forward to making plans, decorating the nursery, choosing names (can I go with Lindy Hope and Charles Tony????) and generally finding out what life as a real grown-up is like. Oh, and I'm planning the weirdest post-birth meal that includes blue cheese, pate, sushi, dippy eggs, pink steak etc etc etc