A First Lesson

This week has had some pretty horrific stories in the news. A devastating tornado in the States, the coverage of the trial of Mark Bridger who is now denying abducting and murdering five-year-old April Jones, and yesterday the horrifying attack in Woolwich that left a young man dead in the street to name just three.

My coping mechanisms aren’t functioning at their best at the moment. Pregnancy hormones are making me feel even more strongly about stories like this, and I have shed a lot of tears as a result of watching the news. Last night, I found myself wondering what kind of world we were going to bring our baby into. I wondered this for about a minute and a half, and then I remembered how wonderful the world can be. After the bombing at the Boston marathon I saw something on facebook I think that said ‘when tragedy happens, look for the people who do the extraordinary’. It pointed out the people who ran towards the blasts to help, the runners who went straight to the hospital to give blood, and the incredible response of the Bostonians offering people hospitality.

Horrible things will always happen. We cannot shelter ourselves from this fact, but the reason that they are newsworthy and leave us feeling so shocked is because we live in a country where things like this don’t happen every day. There are millions of people that don’t have that luxury. It is right to feel disgusted by the murder in Woolwich yesterday, and it is right to be angry at the men who did this. However, it is not right to blame their race or their religion. The ‘get them all out of the country’ band wagon has been jumped on by people I thought would know better. The people who plan and conduct terror attacks are to be blamed, but this has very little, if in fact anything, to do with religion. They may use it as an excuse, but if they didn’t have religion they would use something else as their excuse.

I like living in a multi-cultural society. Not being religious myself, I like to learn about other people’s beliefs and I like to talk to people about different cultures. I actually know very little about the rest of the world, but I am willing and excited to learn when the opportunity presents itself, and it saddens me to still see so much racism in our own culture.

I follow an account on Twitter called @YesYoureRacist, who call out people who tweet racist statements. Yesterday they retweeted someone from Birmingham who said “Why don't all the english get together and kill the muslims! What's wrong with the country!!". A tweeter replied and said, “what, like Hitler?!”, to which she said “yes, exactly like Hitler!”. This exchange is a terrifying example of ignorance. I guess, seeing as you can’t tell someone’s religion just by looking at them, the English would have to go round asking folk if they were Jewish Muslim. Maybe in 70 years, the new Justin Beiber could write something in the visitor book of a museum.

What I decided last night, however, was to have a little chat to my belly. I told our little unborn baby that I will help to point out the good in the world when bad things happen, and that my ambition is for them to be happy in whatever they do, but that we will raise them to be accepting and respectful of everybody. Our baby will be taught about equality, about recognising the difference between right and wrong and about standing up for people less fortunate than themselves. I have absolutely no idea how we will do all this, and I won’t know until we’ve met our little one and found out about his or her personality, but I suspect we will lead by example.

In response, my baby gave me a little nudge in the belly that I felt from the outside for the first time. I took that as agreement, and then had a little cry because it was so lovely.

Unwanted Attention

Being pregnant is not what I had imagined. I hadn't realised just how rubbish I would feel, nor how long that would last before I started feeling better. Whilst I have moaned (quite a lot) about the constant queasiness, the throwing up, the week of headaches, the fatigue, I've found it bearable by having a wonderful husband, a supportive workplace and two gorgeous doggies to keep me company when I'm feeling at my worst. I am now on day 7 of symptom-free (a whole week!) and hoping that all these nasty early pregnancy things have now disappeared.

What I am finding the absolute hardest thing to deal with is the unwanted attention. Someone I HAVE NEVER SPOKEN TO before has just asked me when my baby is due. She didn't care about me before I was pregnant, why should she care now? Every work-related conversation I have now ends with "oo, look at your bump now". Since I was about 11 weeks pregnant I have had people express surprise at how big my bump is, not to mention people coming up and feeling my belly without invitation.

Not only am I finding all of the above difficult to deal with, but a lot of people don't understand why I don't like it. I get told regularly that it's just folks being interested/excited/etc but that just makes me feel guilty for not wanting people to talk to me. It makes me feel that I should be all happy and excited about it all, and I really, really am, it's just that I'm privately happy and excited about it all. It's also making me feel uneasy about seeing the friends that I actually do want to see and with whom I wouldn't mind talking about my pregnancy.

The logical part of my brain tells me that I'm going to have to find a way to get used to it, and that this increased attention is just part of human nature, but I can't ignore the way it makes me feel. I feel very self-conscious about how big my bump is due to the number of people who have pointed out that I'm going to be huge if I'm this size already. It almost makes me feel like I should be hiding it better, which I know is ridiculous, but I can't help it.

I just want to disappear into a comfy, secluded world full of dog-walks, knitting patterns, Nathan Fillion on the tv and tasty things in the fridge that never go off.

Pregnancy hormones, you have a lot to answer for.

SuperRich vs SuperPoor

This idea has been rattling around in my head for a while now, a kind of amalgamation of Supersize vs Superskinny and The Secret Millionaire, and a desire for MPs to really understand what it’s like to live hand to mouth.

My first thought was that perhaps they should try feeding their families with the amount of money that low-paid people have to spare on food. I’m not, by any means, poorly paid at the moment, but after bills, petrol and debt repayments (which I’m trying to do as quickly as possible) I bet that my monthly food budget is the same as some people’s weekly food budget. Fortunately I’m getting pretty good at making tasty and nutritious meals that cost next to nothing.

So, my pitch is this. Take one MP. Take one Civilian. And swap their financial lives for a month. The MP has to manage with the normal person’s bills, taking into account debt repayments etc, on the income that that person would normally get. They can’t take stuff with them (no champagne stashed in suitcases), and their clothes for the length of the experiment should come from the places that the civilian would shop. They can have the basics, but nothing extra.

Then the civilian gets to take their family and live like Elvis or Freddie (you know, a king or queen).

Neither are allowed to duck into each other’s savings (if the civilian even has any), but for that month they can spend what expendable income they have left on WHATEVER THEY WANT.  OK, for the sake of the watershed, probably not on drugs or sex, but anything else.

I’ll even be nice and allow London weighting to be added on… but only at the normal percentage for the civilian’s job.

Also, can I go first?

Ta.

A Bun in my Oven

My plans for 2013 were all very exciting and busy. Lots of dancing, training for the Sheffield Half Marathon, being organised with my diet and with the house, I had loads of plans of things that I wanted to write about and then, a mere 19 days into January I found out... that I'm pregnant. Which, admittedly, is also very exciting (and utterly terrifying!) but in a very different way.

I have never been desperate for children. I know people who just know that having a child is exactly what they want, or even need, and that it will add something to their lives and complete the puzzle. But, for me, I always thought that having a baby would mean giving everything up. OK, maybe not everything, but I have been living a very busy life and there is no way that it will ever be the same. In fact, it has already changed.

What has surprised me is how little I've minded the change. When I first found out I thought to myself that I can keep going dancing, and keep running (after all, I don't run very fast) and keep on top of the housework, and generally just do all the normal stuff. But the first 3 months of pregnancy are shit. Really, really shit. I am told that now I'm approaching the second trimester things will probably improve and I can't bloody wait.

Within days of finding out the fatigue hit me. After being at work all day I have little or no energy left in the evenings. I manage to get the dogs out for their evening walk, but other than that I'm on the sofa watching TV (hello season 1 - and 2 - oh, and 3 - of Buffy) or in bed by 9. The weekends aren't much better. If Mr. Riley's not home to cook I generally have toast.

Thankfully I have only been sick twice. Once after eating far too much when I invited people round for Burns' Night celebrations (for once it wasn't the wine... I was sneaking white grape juice into my wine glass!) and once in the morning. But I have felt queasy ALL the time. The only thing that has helped has been to eat, and sometimes that makes me feel better for a couple of hours, but sometimes it only helps for the duration of time that I'm actually eating. More recently I have found that having breakfast, fruit snacks during the morning, lunch at 12, a small bowl of salad at 2 and then an early tea has helped.

Oh yeah, and I'm struggling to digest food, so I feel full and uncomfortable a lot of the time. And I'm doing really stinky farts, which I blame on the dogs even if I'm the only one in.

I'm already up to an E cup in bra size, and my boobs hurt.

I also cry at everything. The other day I cried because I had cheese on toast (with marmite) for lunch. Why? Because I remember my mum making me that for my lunch when I was little and I can't wait to be able to do that for my kid. Seriously, though, cheese on toast? I'm an easy cryer at the best of times, but this is getting ridiculous.

In reality, I think I'm probably having a relatively easy time of it. Work have been brilliant, I'm still functioning for most things, Mr. Riley has taken complete control of the housework, cooking and domestic chores and been an absolute star. I haven't had any problems with my skin and I've been given a much needed excuse to be really lazy for a change. I desperately miss dancing, but have just been too tired.

So, whilst life has changed, it has been more about a change in priorities rather than 'giving everything up'. I'll not forget how to dance, and it will still be there when I'm ready to go back. Who knows, if it's definitely a baby in there and not a puppy, then maybe it will come out Charlestoning and we can go together. My due date is currently inbetween WI nights - will it be possible to not miss one??? As for friends, I'm hoping that my closest friends will still be there. A lot of us are around the age of having babies anyway, so maybe some of them won't be too far behind. Maybe the others won't be put off by my baby-bore stage that I will, without doubt, go through. Also, there will be new people to meet and share experiences with. 

I'm hoping that the coming weeks will show an increase in energy and a decrease in queasiness and now that we're out of the high-risk first trimester I'm looking forward to making plans, decorating the nursery, choosing names (can I go with Lindy Hope and Charles Tony????) and generally finding out what life as a real grown-up is like. Oh, and I'm planning the weirdest post-birth meal that includes blue cheese, pate, sushi, dippy eggs, pink steak etc etc etc

Auld Lang Syne

2012 has been an amazing year, and the ups have far outweighed the downs. I learnt how to Lindy Hop, we've been to Spain, I got an A* in my GCSE Spanish, I had a Charleston hen do, we got married, had a fabulous honeymoon in Italy, redecorated the living room, have been on some fantastic walks with our dog, Levi, and have finished it by adopting a lovely new dog called Jess. I have spent time with family and friends, made new friends, and danced. And danced. Oh, and danced some more.

As the world didn't come to an end on any of the numerous predicted world-ending dates, I think it's time to sit and have a think about what my New Year's Resolutions for 2013 are going to be to help it be (almost) as good.

A Complimentary Culture
In a time when people seem quick to complain about things, I'm going to make an effort to be quick to compliment. If a salesperson is particularly helpful, or a product I buy is particularly good, or an event I go to is particularly good, I'm going to be writing a very friendly letter.

Shop Local
When I first thought about this one, I thought about trying to avoid tax avoiders. Places like Starbucks and Ikea are pretty easy to find alternatives for, but when you think about trying to avoid Google, it starts getting harder. A friend pointed out that all these companies are doing is paying the least amount of tax that they are legally obliged to, and whilst I think that there is some truth in that, I also believe that there is something ethically wrong about it. The blame should, however, rest with the government for allowing the loopholes in the first place and, unfortunately, we definitely can't avoid them without moving somewhere with different (or worse) problems than the UK. Maybe if Scotland goes, the Rileys will go too...
Anyway, in the meantime, I decided that as we live in Sheffield, which is approaching some kind of foodie haven, with a bit of foresight and planning we can reduce what we spend in big supermarkets and make the most of local produce and local suppliers. I have even bought myself an old lady wheeled shopping trolley in preparation!  Our milk will be from Our Cow Molly, our meat from the local butcher, our eggs from my egg lady, and we will make use of Sheffield's craft and vintage fayres for presents, along with the Nichols Building and Sheffield Antiques Quarter. Any suggestions for other local suppliers will be gratefully received!

Debt Reduction
So, with a wedding and two fabulous holidays this year and previously a good while of living slightly above our means has led me to announce that 2013 will be the year to pay stuff off. We will only be buying things that we can afford to pay for, and I intend to have made a sizeable dent in our debt... the first aim is to get us out of Riley Recession and have two consecutive quarters where our debt has reduced instead of increased. If we can't afford to buy something, we don't buy it. Nothing is to go on credit cards.

The Normal Shit
Every single year I say "Lose Weight, Exercise More, Keep the House Tidy". These are standing resolutions and I'm making them again. Fortunately I've eaten a fucking shit load since the wedding, so am at my heaviest that I've been for a while, therefore losing weight should be easy (if that can't be called cheating!), I definitely want to get back to cycling to work again this year, and I have already signed up for the Lincoln 10k and the Sheffield Half Marathon so am dusting my running shoes off. We've also got a nice new living room that I'm DETERMINED to keep tidy and presentable, so maybe, just maybe, in a year's time, as I reflect over 2013, I'll be able to say that I actually managed these three!

Photography Challenge
We bought a Nikon d3100 earlier in the year, and I haven't had it off the auto settings yet, so I have signed up to 365 Project to kick me into learning a bit more about my camera. My username is MrsWickie (of course).

Now all that's left to do today is to reflect on the good and bad from 2012, to celebrate the coming in of 2013 and to look forward to what the new year will bring. I hope it is a lucky one for everyone, that people can appreciate the good stuff and can find a way to cope with the bad.

And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere !
and gie's a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll tak a right gude-willy waught,
for auld lang syne.

Facebookery

I bloody love Facebook and I use it a lot. I love how it has got me back in touch with friends from years gone by, and I love how you can share photos with people who live miles away, and interact with each other in a whole new way. I update my status regularly and set up events for various nights out. I check it loads and I don’t even mind when they change the layout, or introduce timelines, because I know that I’ll get used to it quickly and then forget what it used to be like. I mean, the Facebook guys seem to know what they’re doing, so I’m going to trust them when they perform updates.

I came across a pretty fab blog post about the rules of etiquette for Facebook from Studentbeans. And, actually, I agree with most of them.

The full list can be found here, and it got me thinking about some of the stuff that both bugs me and some of the stuff that I fall down on. Now, I am far from perfect, and I'm completely sure that a bunch of people on Facebook get really bored with my (fairly) constant and inane updates. However, I do think that the only way you could please everyone is if you never post, like Mr. Riley, or if you are so selective with who you are friends with on Facebook that you only accept real-life close friends.

Anyways, here are some of the things I try and think about before pressing 'submit':

Tagging Photos

Before you tag someone in a photo, think about that person. I hate almost every photo of me, so unless it’s a really good picture please don’t tag me in it. A friend once told me that my beauty is in my animation, and I have thought of that every time I have seen a horrific photo of me. If you are posting a bunch of photos at once, why not just tell the people who are in them and then they can tag themselves if they want. I often do this, but I will tag someone if they are looking really lovely or happy.

Meaningless/Boring Updates

This probably is one where everybody falls down, and actually I do agree that ‘one man’s boring is another man’s thrilling’. The chances are that you have a group of friends on Facebook who are interested in what you write, which is why you are friends in the first place, but with an average friend count in the hundreds it’s likely that you will be friends with someone who doesn’t like all the same things as you. I’m actually happy to put up with all status updates, even if they are about playing/watching/betting on football because I like to post a lot about dancing or baking, for example.

Vaguebooking and Negativity

Facebook is not your therapist. It makes people feel really uncomfortable if all you ever do is moan, and the whole ‘woe is me’ attitude can seem really tedious to people who don't know you that well. If you are really unhappy, seek professional help, talk to real-life friends, hell, if you’re my friend talk to me in person. My door is always open* for a cuppa and a chat. There might even be cake.The very fact that we’re friends on Facebook means that I like you in real life and would be happy to spend time with you if you need me.

I’m not saying that you should never have a moan on Facebook, just make sure that you balance it with less moany stuff.

* DISCLAIMER: My door is not open to people I don’t know, nor is this an invitation for vampires. You can never be too careful where the supernatural are concerned.

 

Directed Arsey No-Named Updates

The ones that say something like,

“MrsWickie thinks that someone should learn how to be a better friend”

when you know that the person you’re aiming it at will see it. Yeah, if someone has annoyed you and ‘should think about their actions’ or whatever,  nobody but you cares, so man up and tell them to their face. The only way anyone else will care is if you name them. Otherwise it’s just you being a bit of a dick. And if you do name them, then it's just you being a bit of a dick. So don't post stuff like that at all, and then you won't risk breaking the first rule of life: don't be a dick.

Photos of Kids

Studentbeans say that there should be only one photo per month of your child. I would actually add a slight amendment to that… one collection of photos per month (in fact, one collection per week is entirely acceptable), uploaded at the same time in some form of album. That way you can put the photos up and we can look through them if we want to. The occasional extra is OK as long as it’s actually funny. But everyday photos of your sleeping baby interests nobody but you and your parents. I would post photos of Levi (our dog) every single day if I thought it wouldn’t drive everyone completely mental (and I do put quite a lot of photos of him on Facebook), so I completely understand how tempting it is when you love something to bits and want to show it off. Just remember though that not everyone thinks that your staffie cross is cute, or that your kitten is cuddly, or that your kid is pretty, so resist the temptation.

Levi: actually the cutest dog in the world. No, honestly, he really is. What do you mean it's subjective? Well, fuck you, I'm still going to post pictures of him.

OR, how about, instead of posting loads of photos of your child onto the internet, you get them printed and put into an album so that you and the people close to you can enjoy them, and that friend of a friend you met once at a night out doesn’t look through the photos of your family. Weird, right?

And here’s a few other things…

Events

Facebook is an excellent way of inviting people to events, however it can be pretty stressful for the organiser, especially if it involves food. It’s really easy to click ‘attending’ even if you’re not sure whether or not you’ll go, but don’t forget that if someone is cooking for you then they will have included you in their numbers and bought enough food for you a couple of days before the event. If you cancel last minute, unless due to being deathly ill, then you piss the host off. Also, if it involves group bookings at restaurants, the same thing goes. With a group booking the organiser would normally have to let the restaurant know in advance, sometimes deposits are paid etc. If you then cancel last minute, it’s frustrating and annoying. Basically, what I’m saying is this: If you click ‘attending’ just because you think it will make the organiser happy, but actually there’s a good chance that you won’t go, tell them. That’s all. If you’re struggling for money, don’t let someone book a place at a restaurant for you and then pull out last minute. If deposits have been paid by someone else and you do pull out last minute, offer to reimburse them. If you do absolutely have to let someone down, especially if it isn’t the first time, don’t forget that it’s really your job then to make the first move to organise something else.

Complaining

Don’t complain about other people complaining about things. I get it at X Factor time more than any other… there are more people on my News Feed complaining about the people complaining about who got booted off than there are actual people complaining about who booted off.

Also, don’t complain in your status updates about other people posting photos of their kids or dogs or dinner. Just ignore them if they don’t interest you. I’m sure they don’t enjoy your posts about climbing, or festivals, or music, or nights out, or whatever it is that you post about.

Finally under this heading, if someone says something that annoys you (especially if it’s in an open group) either a) completely ignore them or b) send them a PRIVATE message explaining why they’ve annoyed you. You’ll only annoy everyone else by having an argument (or discussion/debate/whatever you want to call it).

Politics

It’s totally ok to put political opinions on Facebook, so long as you know what you’re talking about, and don’t mind if people disagree with you. With all these groups that are popping up that people can express displeasure in the country, or the government, or the justice system, or whatever, be really careful about sounding racist. Or homophobic. Or just plain stupid. Because if you do, I will de-friend you faster than you can click ‘like’ on a ‘benefits should be scrapped so that we can step over starving children in the street’ post.

Punctuation and Syntax

I don’t really mind spelling or grammar mistakes. What I’m talking about here is making sure that the stuff you post actually makes sense. Some people post stuff that makes no sense, and no matter how many times I read it I have no idea what they have just said. So, proof-read. That’s all.

Bad News (and to some extent Good News)

People seem very quick to jump on Facebook to share bad news, but make sure that the people who love and care about you don’t find out about major life events this way. I’m not saying you should individually tell all your Facebook friends about all your life changing moments, but take a moment to think how you would feel if you found out about it on Facebook. Just because you can shove it on there, doesn’t mean that you necessarily should.

Liking Horrible Photos

There seems to be a fashion at the moment where pictures get posted of abused dogs, or disfigured children, or other distressing things with a tag line of 'like if you have a heart' or something similar. What this means is that the photos then pop up in timelines and other people are subjected to them. Now, I am definitely not saying that we should ignore pain and struggle in this world, but clicking 'like' on a photo on Facebook is not going to make it better. I don't mean that we should all stick our heads in the sand and ignore the fact that horrible things happen in this world. I just don't want them popping up on something I use for fun and a bit of light entertainment. Does this make me callous? Actually, it's because they make me sad that I don't want to see them. They make me feel guilty and inadequate that I can't do anything about it. And the very, very last thing that I want to do is say that I like it.

A Final, Personal Annoyance

Don’t put ‘.com’. It doesn’t have a place at the end of anything EXCEPT an actual website. You are not confused.com, you are either just confused or stupid. You are not bored.com, you are either just bored or stupid. You are not tired.com, you are either just tired or stupid. STOP IT. It’s a dated reference to a shit website.

MrsWickieEats: Ego

It appears to be Christmas season now and so our work lottery syndicate members took the £50 winnings from the last year (I’m sure we’d be better just putting a weekly £1 each in a pot and then spending that at Christmas, but then we really would never win the jackpot…) and headed to Ego on Surrey Street. I have been a few times before, the first being for our engagement party with a bunch of our closest friends. After that I was on their mailing list and therefore have never paid full price for their food. On my birthday we got a free 3-course meal. On our engagement anniversary we got a free bottle of prosecco. And in October I got an email saying that if we booked on a Monday during November and ordered from the Christmas menu we could get a free bottle of wine. Each.

Louise and I arrived shortly before 7 so made good use of their ‘2 for 1 bellini’ offer and got ourselves some fizzy to start the evening. 

The rest of our party soon arrived, and orders were taken quickly and efficiently. The Christmas menu had a good variety of food, although not much choice for the vegetarian in our group. Starters were a choice of Soup de Jour (Italian Vegetable), Grilled Goats Cheese, Chicken Liver & Rosemary Paté, Prosciutto and Melon or Smoked Haddock Risotto. Main course choices were Beef Bourguignon, Pan Roasted Turkey Escalope, 8oz Sirloin Steak, Slow Roast Belly Pork, Sautéed Salmon Fillet or Festive Nut Roast. For dessert there was Traditional Christmas Pudding, Tiramisu, Classic Crème Brûlée or Warm Chocolate Brownie.

I chose the Grilled Goats Cheese for a starter, which came on toasted brioche with a beautiful, fruity chutney. The cheese was grilled to perfection and I’m still thinking about that chutney. It was the perfect size for a starter.

For my main course I chose the Slow Roast Belly Pork. There was a short delay between the mains being brought out and getting the (inclusive) vegetables to go with them, but it didn’t really impact on the evening. The pork belly was good, but I have to be honest, I was rather spoilt a couple of weeks ago by some superb belly at Silversmiths, and Ego’s offering didn’t quite measure up. The top wasn’t quite crunchy enough, and the fat wasn’t quite melt-in-your-mouth enough, for my taste. Don’t get me wrong, it was still very good, and came on a bed of black pudding and gorgeous spicy chorizo, just not quite as good as the last version I had.

I had the Christmas Pudding with brandy butter for dessert. The pudding itself had a texture closer to Christmas Cake and was perhaps a bit too dense to really be pudding, but it had all the right flavours and spices in all the right ratios. The brandy butter was more like a white sauce than what I would normally expect, and there was less of a taste of brandy in the sauce than in the pudding itself, but it was still very tasty.

The choice of free wine with our meal was either the house white or house red, and it was perfectly drinkable.

So, once again, Ego didn’t disappoint. The service was efficient and friendly and at no point did we feel rushed, despite half of our party arriving a little late. The food was delicious, the vegetables included in the price (which is how it should be on set menus), and the portion sizes just right. I felt nicely full by the end.

Whether you live in Sheffield, Bramhall, Heswall, Kenilworth, Lichfield, Liverpool, Lytham or Stockton Heath, I recommend getting yourselves on their mailing list… there’s always some deal or other to be taken advantage of. Sadly, they have taken their gambas pil-pil off their main menu. They did the best in Sheffield for a while.

Information about all Ego Restaurants can be found at www.egorestaurants.co.uk

Ego Sheffield
88 Surrey Street
Sheffield
S1 2LH
Tel: 0114 278 2004